I used to think New Year’s resolutions were selfish. I thought a resolution was an attempt to force a person to look selfishly at one’s own self in order to “improve” upon themselves. In my opinion, resolutions seem to be rather negative for a person. After all, you start the new year feeling empowered and after a few short months you are disappointed by the failure of your resolution. However with the new year here, I have decided to change my attitude regarding new year’s resolutions. Maybe a resolution doesn’t have to be selfish or even about vanity, but more about reflection and hope. So here are just a few of my little hopes for 2018.
Stop wondering if I am enough.
Since becoming a mother, I have put unrealistic expectations on my motherhood role, partner role, and housewife role. At the end of the day, I am constantly wondering if I have done enough for everyone and then I start to beat myself up. I just want to so badly give myself a break. So why don’t I? It doesn’t matter if my house spotless at all times. I’m pretty certain that no one with a husband and child has a perfect home. It doesn’t matter that I am not up to date on all of the latest information regarding the care for a baby. What matters is that my baby is healthy, happy and loved. My Emilia is so loved by me and her father. So loved. Plus she is growing, smiles and laughs all the time. No, I am not the perfect wife to my husband, but neither is he. I could be more affectionate. I could tell him I love him more than I do, but I do try my best for him and he knows that I do. So for 2018, I’m going to shut out that voice in my head that tells me I failed and kick it’s a**. 🙂
Face my Body Dysmorphia Disorder head on.
In my last post, imaginative ugliness, I opened up on my recent diagnosis and acceptance of having BDD. With acceptance, I am more motivated than ever to overcome it especially since I now have a very impressionable little girl in my life. I’m tired of my BDD holding me back from me truly becoming the person that God intended me to be. I desire freedom from my own personal chains. I know it will be hard. Nothing in life is ever easy, but I love my husband and Emilia more than I hate myself so for that I will get better.
Continue my breastfeeding journey.
I never dreamed that I would love breastfeeding as much as I do. No I don’t love my water obsession, nursing bras, obscenely large boobs, feeling like a milking cow and no longer human, but the bond I have with Emilia is indescribable. I could be having the worst day ever and the happiness she shows me when I am getting ready to nurse her melts my heart. I fear what motherhood will be like when I am no longer breastfeeding. Will she still need me like she does now? Will I be able to comfort her with hugs and kisses like I do now with nursing? I know that I have so much to look forward to as Emilia grows, but I’m not ready for this journey to be over. While I was pregnant, I told myself that I would be thrilled if I could breastfeed for at least 6 months. I am now 7 months in and have set a personal goal to breastfeed 5 more months. I may only have 5 more months, but 2018 will be a success if 5 of those months are of me breastfeeding.
Quit expecting the best out of people.
This may sound a bit negative, but one thing I have learned a lot in 2017 is that I probably expect too much out of people. I don’t think my expectations are unrealistic. I think my expectations are what we all desire in a person. I think it’s fair to want everyone to be truthful, kind and unselfish, but what I have learned this is year that some people just are not that. I have had my heartbroken numerous times this year by people who I thought very fond of and that is ok. Maybe I’m just unrealistic.
Have another baby.
This may be a shocker to some, but getting pregnant at some point in 2018 is very important to me. I have always felt lost in this world and that I wasn’t good at anything, but I found my purpose in life which is being a mother. My heart grew a million times when Emilia was welcomed in the world and I am ready for it to grow again. Plus Emilia needs her forever best friend in a sibling.
Discover more of my domestic, mother self.
I have hopes to have a plentiful garden in my backyard filled with many herbs and vegetables for me to cook with and for my daughter to play in. I have hopes to become a master cake decorator so my daughter has the coolest birthday cakes out of all of her friends. I have hopes to keep my daughter’s baby book up to date, teach her sign language, paint my house, plant new trees and so much more. I probably wont get half of that accomplished and that is just ok.
So here’s to 2018. May all of your little hopes become reality.
Goodbye 2017! Thank you for allowing me to adult a little bit. Nothing says adulting like buying a house, having a baby, making a career change, and creating your very own blog. 🙂 Cheers!